Dealing with a multitude of relationships and encounters has recently led me to toss and turn over what it means to truly forgive someone. Is forgiving the same as forgetting? I don't think so. But every time I think about something "bad" that happened in the past is an opportunity to learn from it and forgive others. Or it could be an opportunity to stew over a "dead" issue and become angry again. Forgiveness meets the past in the present. It is not just a one time decision. Maybe that is why I find it so hard to forgive others? Maybe that is why I find it so hard to accept God's forgiveness myself.
Letting go is much easier said than done. I recently read this excerpt from The Road to Daybreak by Henri Nouwen, "I realize that there are still many people with whom I am not fully at peace. When I think back on the friendships, encounters, and confrontations of the past, I realize that islands of anger, bitterness, and resetment still lie hidden in my heart...I know how I divide them between those who are for me and those who are against me, those whom I like and those whom I do not like, those whom I want to be with and those whom I try to avoid at all costs."
Nouwen captures the struggle to live a life free from grudges and unforgiveness. When we really forgive, we tend to discover that we are the ones who become truly free. Grudges, ill will and prejudices cause pain to those who carry around these feelings. It is a lie to believe otherwise.
Forgiveness is something that can only be perfected by the power of God. Left to our own "strength" forgiveness usually turns to unforgiveness at some point in the future. It shows how truly dependent we are on God to be free.
Forgiveness is not excusing a wrong and giving someone access to hurt you again. No, it is justice and mercy combined into one. Forgiveness recognizes sin for what it is while giving someone the opportunity and hope to change.
Ultimately, I believe that most of us struggle to forgive others because we do not recognize our own sinfulness. We are unaware of how destructive our actions are and how much grace and mercy God has truly bought for us by His sacrifice on the cross. It is easy to think we are pretty good people compared to all the other "heathens" in the world. During Jesus' day it was the Pharisees who struggled to see their need for God's righteousness. They were judgemental and very religous. Yet most of them did not understand what it means to forgive or to be forgiven. Maybe Jesus had a point when He said that a man who has been forgiven much loves much?
Oh God, help me to walk in the moment ever aware of your forgiveness to me. May I share this attitude toward others and keep no record of wrong. Help me to learn from the past without continually beating people over the head with it. May I learn to forgive in the moment as empowered by the Holy Spirit. May I be free and rejoice in the liberty of knowing that You have paid my debts. Amen!
